Insights from a Military Parent (Part 2): Understanding Parenting Decisions

May 21st, 2013 by Kathy Reschke

Insights logoToday we continue our series, “Insights from a Military Parent,” an ongoing discussion in which Rhonda, military spouse and mom of two young boys, responds to questions that arose from her telling of her family’s experience living through two deployments with two young children during our webinar presentation, “Intentional Connection: Establishing Positive Relationships Between Child Care Providers and Military Parents.”

In today’s post, Rhonda talks to child care professionals about a critical aspect of building and maintaining a positive relationship with parents: understanding the parenting choices that they make, especially in times of stress and disruption.

Question: In talking about your family’s experiences, you’ve mentioned that at times you made parenting decisions during the stressful times that were more lenient, accommodating, etc., than usual. As a teacher, I might see that parenting choice and be critical of it, especially if I am unaware of all that you are dealing with. What message would you like to communicate to providers about the parenting choices they observe?

Rhonda: During the various phases of deployment the stress levels fluctuate greatly from feeling like you have it under control to feeling wildly out of control and at your wit’s end. At times I have made choices to alleviate stress on myself or on my children. As a parent, there were times when I took personal leave from work to simply have a day to myself. Sometimes, I used personal leave and kept the boys at home for their emotional and mental health as well. This is a choice that might seem controversial if one of the goals is to provide children with a routine and stability. It might help to understand that sometimes I made that choice following a particularly bad night for the boys, when nightmares or insomnia kept them from feeling rested. Other times I made that choice following three or four days of increasing conflict between us. While it might appear that I am rewarding their bad behavior, in reality I recognized, after many months of banging my head against the wall, that they were experiencing separation anxiety and fear. Having a day, other than a weekend which was usually dedicated to household chores, to simply play or go to the park with me usually put us all in a better mood. Yes, it was a break in the routine, but afterwards they usually behaved better in school and at home.

cerealWorking full time, raising two boys, and dealing with everything else in the household takes a toll after a while. Mornings can be especially rough trying to get everyone dressed and out the door to beat the traffic and get to work on time. Some mornings it just wasn’t worth battling over clothes, shoes, or how many toys could ride in the car on the way to school. This included breakfast options as well. There were mornings when the boys would enjoy left over pizza or bags of dry cereal because I forgot to get milk the day before. Thankfully, there was usually a good breakfast waiting for them at school. These aren’t parenting choices we would make if my husband were home. I made these choices to keep myself from losing patience and getting upset over small things that really don’t matter.

Issues with homework may be the most upsetting for educators to hear about. I can almost hear the collective “hmmmm” as you prepare to read this next bit. When my husband first deployed at the start of the school year there were nights when my oldest and I went round and round on the homework. He would cry to the point of hysteria and I just didn’t have the heart to push him. You see, his dad usually did homework with him, while I worked with his younger brother. I wrote a note to his teacher to let her know what we were experiencing. Because he is in special ed and was at that tipping point of either loving or hating school we didn’t push it hard. She helped him catch up at school, gave him a list of homework to be accomplished and then put him in charge of telling me what needed to be done. Once he realized he had ownership of his homework, he allowed me to help him. The crying stopped within the first two weeks. Every now and then we don’t get the homework done in the evening and both boys understand they have to wake up early to finish it. If dad were home, there would be no option but to complete the homework before bedtime or playtime. As the sole peacemaker, disciplinary, comforter, task master, maid, cook, medic, etc. I don’t always feel like battling it out. Surprisingly, it only takes waking up at 5:00 AM to do homework to realize it is better to do it the night before and sleep-in.

the boysOne other thing to note during the pre- and post-deployment phases is that sometimes we take three or four day weekends to do things as a family. During the second deployment I took the boys out of school for a week so I could travel to a job interview in another state to be closer to family. We always felt supported by the school in these matters because we communicated in advance and tried to make sure all class work and homework was completed – most of the time we were able to get it done, sometimes we didn’t. I am not advocating taking children out of school on a whim; I am simply sharing our specific circumstances that called for a more flexible way of life.

Remember, all home front parents have unique circumstances. The age of the children, their emotional and academic needs, stress, family support, community support, access to resources, financial issues, etc. can all effect our parenting decisions. We are doing the best we can, and we want to do what is best for our children. Clear and supportive communication, knowledge of child development, and compassion are the characteristics and skills of child care providers and educators that make them ideal partners for home front parents during deployment.

Next week’s question: Why do you think some military parents may be uncomfortable talking to child care professionals?

Part 1: The Power of Hearing Their Stories  

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This blog post was written by Kathy Reschke, Child Care Leader at Military Families Learning Network. Source: http://blogs.extension.org/militaryfamilies/?p=2852

Online advertising influenced by offline activities

May 21st, 2013 by Stephen Judd
Wiertz Sebastien - Privacy used under Creative Commons license - http://www.flickr.com/photos/wiertz/6092000030/

Wiertz Sebastien – Privacy used under Creative Commons license  http://www.flickr.com/photos/wiertz/6092000030/

When I wrote last year about Online privacy, the message was that our perceptions of online privacy revolve around the use of information we consider private or personal in a context we weren’t expecting. This post will take a look at how our offline behavior and information is being used to influence the advertising we see online – in particular, ads on Facebook.

Your first reaction may be that there’s no way that your Facebook identity can be connected to your offline activities, but that’s not correct. There are a large number of companies, called data brokers, that gather information from a variety of sources, and link that information to create a profile of an individual. Once these data brokers have an email address linked to an individual, they can use that to create targeted advertising campaigns through Facebook.

What kinds of information do data brokers collect?

To understand the kinds of information that data brokers collect, it’s instructive to take a look at the company Acxiom.  According to their document, Understanding Acxiom’s Marketing Products, Acxiom has both household and individual data, including name, address, telephone, email, gender, education level, occupation, voter party, date of birth, marital status, number of children in household, children’s age ranges, household interests, home owner status, home purchase date, home loan amount, home market value, and much more. This data comes from a variety of sources, including public records (marriage licenses, property transfer and tax records, etc.), self-reported survey information, purchase information, etc. Axciom then uses this information to provide services to its customers including targeted or addressable advertising. Axciom states that they don’t share sensitive data, that any individual record contains only a subset of data that they collect, and that data may be combined to create “inferred elements.”

How can this information be connected with my Facebook profile?

The Electronic Frontier Foundation EFF) recently wrote about the details of how data brokers are able to partner with Facebook to show you targeted ads. In brief, data brokers provide Facebook with a hash (a hash is derived summary of an original value that is not reversible, so the original value is obscured) of an email address for each user they’d like to see a particular ad. Facebook then compares that hash to the hashes of the email address of each Facebook user. When there is a match, the two parties can be confident that it is the same person, even though they didn’t share the actual email address with each other. Facebook is then able to present the purchased ad to the user. In turn, Facebook provides information back to the broker about the success of the ad and aggregate demographic information about the viewers.

A simple, contrived example

It may be easiest to get a sense of what’s happening through a fictitious example: A data broker would like to advertise dog food on Facebook, but only display that information to dog owners. In their dataset, the broker has stored publicly available dog license information and associated that with particular individuals whose email addresses they have also determined (through surveys or commercial entities.) The broker gives Facebook a list of hashed email addresses (they don’t share the actual email address) and Facebook compares that list to their own list of all hashed email addresses associated with Facebook accounts. The dog food ad is displayed to each user who is on both lists. So, even if a user has never posted about their dog on Facebook, they could see ads that are targeted to them based on offline information.

So what?

Is this a privacy violation? It likely depends on your perspective. Data brokers would contend that the information they gather is publicly available or shared by the individual. Facebook would contend that the resultant ads have greater relevance to the user, and are more desirable than displaying random ads to each user. The individual may find it creepy that Facebook appears to “know” about things that they did offline and did not intend to share with Facebook. The user may not have thought that licensing their pet would lead to them getting pet supply related ads on Facebook.

As technology makes the sharing and combining of this sort of data easier, we can expect to see more examples like this. I remember a conversation from 15 years ago with a friend that sold life insurance. He would hire a college student to go to the county records office and get the information on marriages and births, so he could send the people letters offering his services.  Now that large companies are combing through and digitizing these records, they are public in a way we may not be thinking.

How can I stop it?

The EFF article has information on how to opt out and what that really means. Unfortunately, there is no central clearinghouse where you can opt out from all data brokers at once, and opting out does not mean that data brokers will stop collecting your data. Opting out only affects how the data broker will use your data.

Sign of the times

Many people have had the experience with physical junk mail, of suddenly receiving a flood of mail related to something they’ve done, like receiving extended warranty offers after purchasing a car. It appears that online ads have become the analog of junk mail, targeting you based on information gleaned elsewhere. As long ago as 1999, Scott McNealy, then CEO of Sun Microsystems, was quoted, “You have zero privacy anyway…Get over it!”

The only things that are truly private are those things known only to you. Once others know our actions, behaviors, or information, it is no longer private and we are confronted with how that information is used and in what context. Controlling our expectations and how others use the information we leave scattered in our wake is a challenge we will continue to face.

- An excellent explanation of the technical aspects of the data broker / Facebook relationship – Security Now podcast Epsiode 404 with Steve Gibson from the TWIT Network.

Author: Stephen Judd (@sjudd)

This article (Online advertising influenced by offline activities) was originally published Tuesday May 21, 2013 on the Military Families Learning Network blog, a part of eXtension.

Creative Commons License This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

 

Money Monday

May 20th, 2013 by Molly Herndon

By Barbara O’Neill

What are some tips for service members for naming beneficiaries for insurance policies and retirement savings plans such as the Thrift Savings Plan (TSP)?

Photo by lorenkerns (creativecommons.com)

Photo by lorenkerns (creativecommons.com)

First, service members should regularly review the beneficiaries named in insurance policies and retirement savings plans and revise them as needed. Second, service members should name secondary beneficiaries in case the primary beneficiary predeceases them. Third, service members should record in one document all of the beneficiaries and contingent beneficiaries for all of their important papers that include named beneficiaries for ease of review and periodic updating. A form to record beneficiary designations can be found at njaes.rutgers.edu/money/pdfs/beneficiary-designations.pdf

Browse more military personal finance Frequently Asked Questions answered by experts.

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This post was published on the Military Families Learning Network Blog on May 20, 2013

Factual Friday

May 17th, 2013 by Rachel Brauner

Factual Friday

This post was uploaded by Rachel Brauner of the Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Service-Wounded Warrior Program and is part of a series of Military Family Caregiving posts published on the Military Families Learning Network blog.

Opening Your World with Social Media

May 16th, 2013 by Stephen Judd
Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield will be long remembered as one of the most visionary and perceptive users of social media to advance space exploration.

Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield will be long remembered as one of the most visionary and perceptive users of social media to advance space exploration.

Canada’s top space explorer, Chris Hadfield, has been described by Forbes magazine as the “most social media-savvy astronaut ever to leave the Earth.”
He returned recently to earth to well-deserved fanfare.

Hadfield has sparked a passion for space exploration across Planet Earth through his social media presence, even while living and working more than 200 miles above it as commander of the International Space Station.

All professionals can — and should — draw inspiration from what he has achieved with social media. Hadfield has accomplished something that NASA has struggled to do for 40 years: re-ignite a sustained, passionate interest in space exploration among ordinary people. He has done it using common social media tools such as Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Reddit, though with additional help from an onboard digital camera.

How did he do it?

He’s Personalized His Message

For starters, Hadfield struck an effective balance between the mundane and the sublime aspects of space exploration.

As one of his sons, Evan, who was quoted in the February 22, 2013 online edition of the Guardian, described it, “Dad wanted a way to help people connect to the real side of what an astronaut’s life is— not just the glamor and science, but also the day-to-day activities.”

His YouTube appearances dealt with all sorts of topics related to living in space — for example, how to brush one’s teeth and shave in space; how to clean up spills; and how to make a peanut butter sandwich in zero gravity.

By highlighting the routine aspects of his job, he’s humanized his message in a way that enables ordinary people to relate to him.

He Democratized It, Too

chris-hadfield2Hadfield also democratized his message by inviting an active dialogue with thousands of people across the planet.

He organized an “Ask Me Anything” session on Reddit that drew almost 7,800 comments and followed this with the first Google+ hangout from space, answering questions via a live downlink from space.

Words with Pictures

Hadfield also understood the value of visual imagery — telling his story not just with words but with pictures, often stunningly beautiful pictures.

His daily posts feature not only natural phenomena such as rain forests, deserts and polar ice caps but also of the world’s major cities, captioned with verbally picturesque descriptions: “a somber spring night in Boston,” “Manila in the night, like a vase full of flowers,” and “Paris, well-named City of Light.” (Small wonder why Hadfield has been credited with possessing a poet’s turn of phrase.)

Hadfield carried his visual passion into his YouTube presentations, many of which generated hundreds of thousands of views. Almost all of these presentations were accompanied by visual props, whether these happened to be his sleeping compartment, his toothbrush, or his razor. He strove to be visual in all facets of his social media work.

The Art of Simple but Concrete Messaging

Hadfield, while keeping his messages simple, also was careful never to deviate beyond his core theme. Borrowing a phrase from Chip and Dan Heath, authors of the New York Times bestseller “Made to Stick,” he mastered the importance of “discarding a lot of great insights in order to let the most important insight shine.”

Virtually all of his messages were also anchored in what the Heaths term concreteness. In one of his YouTube presentations, for example, he not only discussed the challenges of maintaining dental hygiene in a weightless environment but also demonstrated it by brushing his teeth. While discussing what it’s like to sleep in zero gravity, Hadfield donned his Russian-supplied pajamas, floated into his personal cubicle and zipped himself into his sleep bag.

Takeaway Lessons

While earth-bound professionals may not live and work in as glamorous environment as the International Space Station, we can still learn a lot from what Hadfield has achieved.

Personalize and Democratize!

The title of an old hit song from the early 1960s, “Welcome to My World,” first popularized by Jim Reeves, could be readily applied to the success Hadfield has acquired through his social media efforts.

Hadfield has succeeded spectacularly partly by identifying his strengths, namely his passions, interest, training and unique professional perspectives, and packaging them in an unusually compelling way through social media. But in addition to capitalizing on these strengths, he also found a way to personalize his message — to welcome people into his world — that has resounded with hundreds of thousands of ordinary people across the globe.

We should be asking ourselves: What are the talents, personality traits and expertise that set us apart from others, and how can we use these to build our own social media presence?

Likewise, we need to give more thought to how we can personalize and democratize our messages more effectively. With the right amount of forethought and planning, we can learn how to weave both the mundane and remarkable aspects of our work into social media products that our users not only find entertaining and enlightening but also highly useful.

Visualize!

Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield spacewalking outside of the International Space Station.

Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield spacewalking outside of the International Space Station.

For better or worse, pictures increasingly trump text in this social media-driven age.

Hadfield understood this. Virtually all of his postings dealt in some way with visuals, whether these happened to be tweets of images from the earths’ surface or the expert use of props in his YouTube presentations.

We should be actively searching for ways to anchor our messages in compelling imagery. Most of us, if we think about it, are equipped with all sorts of visual imagery that we can weave into our social media narratives.

Be Concrete!

Borrowing a page from Hadfield, we should strive to ensure that all our messages our simple and straightforward and, equally important, as concrete as possible — and, when possible, enhanced by images that help convey the point clearly and succinctly.

Parting Words

Granted, in both a literal and figurative sense, we may never reach as high as Chris Hadfield. Even so, let’s not forget that we all possess a unique set of training and insights that potentially could be shared with people from many different backgrounds.

We, too, have compelling stories to tell. The sooner we envision ways to personalize, democratize and visualize our stories, the better equipped we will be to reach out to our audiences, whoever they happen to be.

 

Author: Jim Langcuster ()

This article (Opening Your World with Social Media) was originally published Monday May 16, 2013 on the Military Families Learning Network blog, a part of eXtension.

 

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

Can you identify a problem or stressor you have been coping with as a military caregiver?

May 15th, 2013 by Rachel Brauner

Join us tomorrow morning in a webinar conference at 10:00 a.m. CST as presenter, Timothy Elliott, Ph.D., asks you the tough question of ‘identifying a specific problem you are coping with as a military family caregiver,’ and provides you with problem-solving strategies for your situation.

The webinar entitled, Be an Expert Problem Solver! Caregiving and Coping with TBI, will review many issues family members face living with someone who has traumatic brain injury (TBI).  The presenter will provide basic information about coping and will offer webinar participants the chance to identify his or her own problem or stressor within their caregiving role and provide feedback on how to handle the pressures of caregiving within their lives. Stressors many caregivers face may include hectic doctors’ schedules, keeping up with finances, maintaining a career, and child care. Learn how you can cope with overwhelming responsibilities in order to provide the necessary care for both you and your wounded warrior.

For more information on the webinar and to find out how to access the online conference go to: https://learn.extension.org/events/1053


This post was uploaded by Rachel Brauner of the Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Service-Wounded Warrior Program and is part of a series of Military Family Caregiving posts published on the Military Families Learning Network blog.

The Johnsons discuss 529 Plans

May 14th, 2013 by Molly Herndon

The Johnson family first joined us during Dr. Michael Gutter’s April 15 Financial Statements & Record Keeping web conference. Here, they discuss opening a 529 plan for their 2-year old son, Sam. Watch as Brittany and Brett discuss the advantages of this education savings option, and save the date of May 21 for Dr. Barbara O’Neill’s Paying for Post-Secondary Education Expenses web conference.

 

The Johnsons discuss 529 plans
by: msgutter

Insights from a Military Parent (Part 1): The Power of Hearing Their Stories

May 14th, 2013 by Kathy Reschke

Perhaps the single most valuable way for a child care professional to develop a truly effective partnership with a family is to learn what life looks like from their perspective. This is especially true when working with military families, particularly if a child care professional has little or no experience with military life. When we invite military parents to tell us their stories and share their perspectives, they can open our eyes to the impact of military culture and service on the day-to-day experiences of their family. It’s a viewpoint that can radically improve our understanding of the child and of the family as a whole, giving us insight on how best to work with them to provide wise and sensitive care and support for their child.

Rhonda

Rhonda and her two boys

I have become convinced of this truth through getting to know Rhonda Spearman, a military wife and mom whose Air Force Reserve family has navigated two deployments with two young children. Rhonda graciously shared her family’s experiences during our web conference, “Intentional Connections: Establishing Positive Relationships between Child Care Providers and Military Families.”

From Rhonda, we all learned about the different ways her two boys showed, via their behavior, that their dad’s deployment preparation, separation and return (and mom’s stress) were deeply affecting them emotionally. We also heard Rhonda’s suggestions, born of experience, for child care providers, teachers and administrators who want to support child, homefront parent, and service member through it all.

But, as you might imagine, our one webinar only provided enough insight from Rhonda to whet our appetites and make us want more! Happily, she has agreed to continue sharing what she has learned (and continues to learn) about military family life, young children, and supportive partnerships with educators through a series of blog posts. Each Tuesday, we will be posting a question from a child care professional’s perspective that is related to understanding and supporting military families, followed by Rhonda’s response.

If you haven’t listened to the webinar yet, I strongly encourage you to do so. It’s available here (along with downloadable powerpoint slides and other resources). You will get to know Rhonda and her family and hear the many lessons they are learning about living the military life with two young children. You’ll also gain valuable ideas for supporting the military families that you work with.  And you’ll want to hear more from Rhonda in the coming weeks!

Next Tuesday’s Q&A: Why might some military parents be uncomfortable talking to child care professionals? 

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For more online resources and places to connect with others around the topic of child care for military families, check out our “About Us” page.

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This blog post was written by Kathy Reschke, Child Care Leader at Military Families Learning Network.

Source: http://blogs.extension.org/militaryfamilies/?p=2785

Money Monday

May 13th, 2013 by Molly Herndon

By Barbara O’Neill

Why should service members start a savings program before they are deployed?

The simple reason to save part of a service member’s military paycheck as early as possible is because “time is money.” The sooner money is saved, the sooner compound interest can work its magic by earning interest on interest. Also, by saving money in advance of a deployment, service members will be able to contribute as much as possible to the Savings Deposit Program (SDP) as soon as they become eligible. Deposits that are proportionate to a service member’s unallotted pay, bonuses, and allowances can be made by cash, check, or money order in $5 increments or by allotment.

Deployed service members can invest up to $10,000 in the SDP and receive 10% interest, compounded quarterly for as long as they are deployed and for up to three months after they return from a combat zone. The 10% return far exceeds the return on traditional bank savings accounts or credit union share accounts and is especially valuable on a larger sum of money (e.g., $10,000 of principal versus $2,000). For more information about the SDP, see saveandinvest.org/FinancialBasics/Saving/P124359.

Browse more military personal finance Frequently Asked Questions answered by experts.

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This post was published on the Military Families Learning Network Blog on May 13, 2013

Factual Friday

May 10th, 2013 by Rachel Brauner

Factual Friday

This post was uploaded by Rachel Brauner of the Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Service-Wounded Warrior Program and is part of a series of Military Family Caregiving posts published on the Military Families Learning Network blog.